is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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