She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
