just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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