my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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