I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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