What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
