I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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