ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
God I need to hump something, right now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
