i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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