You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize