He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
