There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
