I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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