please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
