my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize