new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
