just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
