I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
