In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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