You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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