I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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