I am spending my child support on dildos
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
