that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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