it wasn't lemon gatorade
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
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