What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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