Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
