Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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