almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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