do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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