Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
