The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
