Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
