I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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