I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
