I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
