Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
