i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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