This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so let's talk penis.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
