I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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