Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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