It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
