Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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