im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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