She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
