I got chris browned last night
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
