dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize