dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
