rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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