what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
