hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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