Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
