holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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