Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
