I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
