the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
