Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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