just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
