He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
