Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
