he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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