What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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