He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
