not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
