Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
