Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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