i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
