he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
