we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
