i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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