God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize