How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
