U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
