'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
