I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wear drunk well.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
