if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
