...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
