At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
