Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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