I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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