Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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