I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
