you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
