You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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