Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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