thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
