Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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