that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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