i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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