i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
