I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
